2 years ago

A WTF Date….

Hello There.
Ever been on a date that’s left you wondering : ‘What the fuck just happened!??’ or ‘what the fuck did he/she just do!??’ OR ‘why the fuck did he/she/i just say that!?!?!?’.
I need to know about it..send me your stories and any questions, as always.

2 years ago
I was so happy to see you answering questions again. Your stories were always the best and I'm thrilled you're back!

Thanks hun.
Spread the word
Mother Cougar

2 years ago
business cards sex love life relationships cougar cougarized bastard arsehole

Dude, Would You Shove Your Business Card Up your Arse!? Please?

So I don’t know what’s happened these days….it’s like the Ferrari has been replaced with the business card. Now I know we hit a depression but for fucks sake, a piece of card is not going to cut it with me.

At least you can drive a Ferrari, what the fuck am I gonna do with a business card? Use the edges to clean under my nails?

One guy gave me a business card with a picture of his MUM on it. For fucks sake dude, the last thing I want to have at the back of my head is your mother’s face when I’m giving you head. Talk about killing the moment of passion right there.

Another guy didn’t even have a service to offer. He just went online and got a batch of free business cards made up to hand out. WHY? Is your cock THAT small you need to get some business cards made just to give yourself some sort of self importance? Dude…jog the fuck on.

This other guy who I ended up dating for a while gave me his business card the night we first met. Shit, I should have known he was a massive bell end the night he pulled that out of his arse but we live and learn. A few months later he just says out of the blue

“Oh I updated my business card, do you want a new copy? It’s got a map on the back.” I mean what the fuck is this?

I already have your number, I know where you live…is this just a demented way to remind me you’re a useless arsewipe and oh here’s where I can find you SHOULD I ever forget that fact?

Basically, we all know how to input some numbers into a phone.

Do men really need to pull a piece of card out of their cracks for us to get in touch?


Mama Cougar

2 years ago
time waster relationships advice sex love men boys idiots mother cougar cougar

Man, The Great Time Waster…

20:21 Mario: What are you to these days, besides standing me up and ignoring my messages?

20:24 Mother Cougar: Calm down

20:24 Mario: He he

20:25 Mother Cougar: Why are you in a stress?

20:25 Mario: Not really – I was just trying to wind you up but it back fired

20:25 Mother Cougar: You use weird tactics

20:26 Mario: True

20:27 Mother Cougar: Pointless. No time for this shit…




2 years ago
You used to follow me back when I was jukebox song. I deleted my tumblr for a while and now I found you again. I always look for your blog I just couldn't remember how you spelt it. So I ended up goggling it. You have NO idea how happy I am to have found your blog again.
I love it :)

Bless you. Check this space.. I’m back…& I’ve got dirt!

2 years ago
I miss your blog being active! I hope you come back soon :)

I’m back lil’ cougarette.
Spread the word & check this space.
Mamma C.

2 years ago
1 note(s)
Where have you been? I miss your stories!

I’m back. Spread the word.
Mamma Cougar has a world of filth to give & I’m a year behind.

Check it.
M Coug.

2 years ago
We had a weekend fling, hotel room & everything. Again the next weekend. I left him a note in his pack 'I really like you a lot.' & made him a CD. He gave the a text basically telling me he wants to be friends and 'see where it goes.' Basically, go kick rocks. He told my friends I was annoying and whatever. The following weekend I slept with a mutual friend. A few weeks later, I ask him to spend the weekend with him. He brought up the mutual friend. I left the place & I still think about him.

Yo Sista.
Why you still thinking bout this dude? There ain’t no cock, that’s zilcho cocko out there worth stressin’ bout when the deed’s been done & the kitty milk turns sour.
Hit up somd new peen & love thay cockles-schnapp.

Love ya Mamma Coug

2 years ago
To be honest here goes, i'm young i'm only 15, and the guy i like is 18. He's going to College in a month in UTAH, i'm from NYC. i met him about 2 weeks ago and he's awesome. Chilled, a bit dorky, awesome taste in music/tv/movies etc. I need the ball to get rolling, FAST. because in a month he's gone and i'll be forever wondering WTF could have happened there. Help please?

Hey girl…been busy knocked up but I’m back from off the wall…what’s the sitch?


3 years ago
mother cougar cougar man sex relationships dating humour cougarized
26 note(s)

The Man Sex

Years ago I met a guy in a bar. We exchanged social platform contact details and IM addresses. He was hot but clearly just looking to push some pussy that night and nothing more. At the time we exchanged contact details, I made it clear, the last thing he’d be pushing was me which he was fine about. That night he ended up fucking a friend of mine. She never saw or heard from him after.

We never stayed in touch. In fact, I thought he was a massive dick head. Cracking onto me then ending up screwing my friend? But then around 6 months later, during the summer, I had broken up with someone and needed to fulfil some needs. Knowing this guy would be easy and my friendship with the girl he screwed had pretty much fizzled out, I IM-ed him and we began to chat. I was surprised when he started suggesting we saw some art house films and maybe went to some galleries together etc. At the time, I thought he was just trying to sugar coat the potential hook up I was fishing for so I played along with it. After all, months ago my friend had given me details so I knew already what I was buying into….

We arranged a drink in the city. He bought me a beer and we began to chat. Initially, I thought it was polite mandatory chat as he seemed to ask me lots of ‘get to know you’ questions…you know, he was working pretty hard to get in my pants which I found strange because I thought I’d made it clear I didn’t care for airy fairy dating bull shit, I just wanted sex. I was getting bored. I didn’t want to get to know him, I just wanted to fuck him that night. I cut to the chase and suggested we ditch our beers and head to his.

When we got back to his, I thought it’d be a case of up against the wall, pants down, pump etc but he began to do weird shit like show me his oven and where he writes his articles (he was/is a music writer), the magazines he’s written for… I was confused. Was he being innocent? Dumb? Trying to make out this was something it wasn’t? All the signals I was giving him were “I’m not interested in you as a person, I just want your body tonight” but he was coming back at me with excerpts of his life. It got overwhelming when he started showing me photos… At that stage I said to him plain and simple

“Hey, you don’t have to do all this, shall we just go to the bedroom?”

So off we went. We did the business and we went to sleep. I have to admit, I had my mind on other things like how I was going to get to work the next day bearing in mind, I was working well out of town. At around 5am I woke up, looked over at him sleeping and thought “God, I need to get to get the hell out of here”. I grabbed my clothes and shoes, got dressed and tip toed out the door.

Thinking back, I remember laughing all the way to the train station. I found the whole hook up hilarious.

About two weeks later, I signed into my IM chat and he instantly started a conversation with me. It went a bit like this:

“What happened to you? You left not even a good bye? What happened to going to galleries and seeing films together?”

I was BEYOND shocked. Was he for real? As IF I would even consider taking him seriously! So I replied…

“Erm, sorry, I didn’t say good bye because it was 5am when I left and you were asleep and if I am honest with you, I thought it was just sex.”

“But you could have woken me up? I woke up and you were gone. You made me feel like shit, like I did something wrong.”

What!???!!!! Like when he felt bad for NOT contacting my friend after he shagged her? What DOUBLE STANDARDS! At this stage I told him I had work to do and closed down the IM. It was mental. I was literally gob smacked.

This got me thinking, it’s ok for men to shag around having one nighters and then not contacting the girl after YET when a women proceeds to do the same, it’s not on? I’m not being funny, but if he chooses to be such an easy lay then what does he expect? Also, what planet was he on? As IF I would want to have a relationship with someone who is literally THAT easy and on top of that, someone who has shagged my friend? Fair enough, I would have never gone there had my friendship with her lasted BUT at the same time, that’s not cool.

Years later he still contacts me for a hook up….

According to men, women are mental. I beg to differ.