I recently read on a forum about a guy who snapped his banjo string and this got me remembering a certain date who had ‘issues’ with his too.

Now, for those who aren’t aware, the banjo string is the nick name for the piece of flesh which sort of connects the bell end to the foreskin. Next time you have a bloke’s nob to hand, have a little inspection and you’ll see what I mean.

So basically when I first saw this dude’s dick, I noticed immediately just how significantly large his foreskin was. Frankly, it freaked me out but what you gotta do? Everyone’s different I guess. I thought I’d let the action speak for itself but when the action got underway, it was WRONG. Basically, he had to constantly pull his foreskin back every time he attempted to insert himself inside.

It was off putting so I had to say it: “What the frigging hell are you doing down there? Does he need stilts and prompting in order to stay up and go into the pearly gates?”

The guy seemed shocked that I’d be asking but I mean, come on? This didn’t seem normal to me. He then replied: “Well, once I nearly snapped my banjo string and if it feels uncomfortable, (e.g his dick) then I just prefer to slot him in myself…by hand….is that ok?”

“Erm, I guess it’s ok but you know that’s not normal right? What’s your problem?” Other than the fact he had ample foreskin to mould into a pizza dough!

“Well, I’m scared it’d snap and I get this weird sickly feeling in my belly.”

His nob may as well have had an ‘L’ plate attached to it. Every time we got down to it, there was pausing and down when his hand in order to pull back his foreskin, reassure his banjo that he won’t get snapped and manoeuvre his mini man around etc etc.

This meant certain sexual positions were totally out of the question….like going on top, or to the side, or standing up….the list goes on….pretty much every position except missionary or from behind.

Men out there with banjo issues shouldn’t be selfish. Get down to the Dr’s….get a circumcision…you obviously have foreskin issues….girls out there who land themselves with a Banjo String Paranoid Dude should also rethink their sexual needs because, well, you pretty much won’t be up to much.

Cougarized