After being in relationships with extremely skinny men, here is why I think they are pointless:

• Your sex life will be limited. Well, you wouldn’t want to snap him? Plus, if you went on top, you’d lose him inside you. It’d be like a vacuum sucking up a whisker.
• He’ll bruise you up but not in a good way e.g hot sex, his bones will pierce into your flesh and you’ll leave the bedroom as if someone had taken a baseball bat to your inner thighs.
• You’ll cuddle him and instead of thinking “You give me the horn, take me now”, you’ll be thinking “You poor starved orphan. What orphanage did you runaway from? Do you want some soup? Don’t worry, you can always have more”.
• You’ll be scared to have a night of deep sleep just in case you wake up and find him dead : suffocated from when you rolled over him in the middle of the night.
• You’ll be compelled to cradle him like a newborn and end up running around after him and wiping his arse because the instinctual Mother in you will possess you.
• You’ll pity him because his naked body will remind you of an empty bird cage propped up on two matchsticks. This is not good because you’ll sleep with him simply because you feel sorry for him.
• All your friends will secretly nickname him Twiglet, Starvin Marvin or The Man Child.
• When you hang his clothes out to dry, you’ll be depressed because let’s face it, the last time you were able to fit into a pair of his jeans was when you were, hmm, let’s say five years old?

All in all, skinny men are pointless. If you find yourself lumbered with one, I suggest the following actions to try and 1) keep him alive, 2) make him bigger.

• Be really brutal and tell him you love his personality but his naked body scares you because you have a phobia of bones and if he wants to be with you, he needs to get his arse down the gym.
• Force him to drink protein shakes after every non sedentary activity. This includes going to the local shop to get milk. If he doesn’t comply, give him the silent treatment. Men hate that.
• When you cook for him, make sure you add lard to every meal. This may help make him get fatter. It may also block his arteries but that’s a long term issue and you probably won’t be with him then so you don’t need to worry about that.
• Get him drunk and when he passes out, inject him with steroids. Over dose him if you must. Do whatever it takes.
• Tell him that anorexia is not a joke and people who don’t know him are going to think he is taking the piss.
• Create a special chart with a reward scheme. Example: if he puts on 4 kilos in one month, he will be rewarded with five blow jobs a day for one whole week. Then you’ll see that the bastard makes a concerted effort to put on weight. Trust me, if this doesn’t work, start questioning his sexuality.

If all else fails,bin him and find a new man.

There are plenty out there that need good homes.