BREAK UPS….Think of them positively, you are flushing the SHIT down the bog….sometimes it may float back up OR even get stuck but keep on flushing and soon it’ll be allllllll gone.

Never fear either, more shit is just around the corner….

GET FLUSHING GIRLS!

Love Mother Cougar

• You can wave good bye to spunk stained sheets
• Never again will you have to smell his greasey hair, rub your delicate skin against his wirey pube covered legs, smell his crusty arse or shiver in the winter nights when the bastard steals your share of the duvet.
• Ohhh you’ll be able to have a bath without having to wash his filthy shed skin and pubes off the sides of it…no more dirt from his legs after football and more importantly, your toilet won’t actually stink of his shit or be showered in his piss on a daily basis.
• On the subject of toilets, you’ll never have to clean his dirty protests out of the funnel of the loo… you know, the shit marks he leaves there carelessly thinking it’s ok because you’re ‘comfortable’ with eachother!? Same with the piss…. All over the floor and on the seat because he can’t be arsed to lift it when drunk.
• Your house and surroundings will be yours again…you can wave goodbye to all his shitty pictures and posters and basically man clutter which does nothing but depress the feng sui in any room.
• When you reach into the laundry basket, you won’t have to deal with pulling out his shit stained boxers.
• Just think, you can invite all your friends around the flat and not feel embarassed that your appendage pulls your top asking for his din dins.
• You won’t have to listen to his shit music anymore or him playing guitar REALLY badly.
• No more faking orgasms, no more having to shag him to fullfill his needs, no more pretending to enjoy the fucking and no more having to fuck his sorry arse full stop!!
• You won’t have to ‘Fake Support’ him…by this I mean, you know, when you support what he is doing in his life when at the back of your head you are really thinking : “Dude you are a fucking loser! What planet are you on? Get a fucking proper job! And while you are at it, do us ALL a favour and GET A LIFE!”.
• You won’t have to cut his food up small, give in to his fads and fancies, watch him while he picks and eats his food like a 5 year old child. Bascially you will be able to enjoy your meals…finally!
• You’ll never have to socialise with his loser friends anymore and pretend constantly that you are interested in their dull, pathetic boring lives. Be the ‘good girlfriend’ and go to his social events just to show face or praise him in front of his parents when really you know you are just telling them lies (their son is a pathetic no hoper) and finally, you’ll never have to plan your free time and holidays around the that little prick again!

But girls, the greatest thing about being rid of a boyfriend (ex) is that you will be able to do and screw what and who you want but above all, you’ll be FREE.

You know, like Mel Gibson in that film Braveheart…. “FREEEEEEEEEDOOOMMMMMMMM”.

Cougarized.