“Ah yeh, she was mental”

There is a trend in men when they are single. The trend is describing their exes as “mental”. I was flicking through my memory bank of recent and even past dates and it suddenly occurred to me that 9 out of 10 guys I dated have all described their exes as mental.

I mean, come on you toss pots. Wasn’t there a reason you were with her for one, two, three ever four plus years? She couldn’t have been THAT mental then right? And erm, excuse me, how is it ALL your exes are mental? Where do you hang? The local nut house?

So this got me thinking…. “Mental” is man’s scapegoat adjective? It has to be? It’s what keeps him warm in bed when he is thinking about all the nasty shit he did to his ex… it allows him to hide behind the fact he was a total twat – no doubt. It basically acts like a shield protecting male pride and ego when it was her that dumped him and she moved on bla la bla.

This one guy told me he dated this girl and she was mental. Turned out he dated her for THREE weeks and he’d basically used her for sex so when she got pissed at him, he called her mental. Yeh, because she really has to be mental to get upset about some sweaty bollock breath dropping her a few lines and using her? What a douche!

Then this other guy who had been dating his ex for FIVE years described her as mental because her career goal was to work in interior design and she ended up getting a part time job at the reception of a sex clinic. Basically she was a receptionist, needed a job part time, took the first thing available. She was classed as mental by this dick head because she had dumped him. Undoubtedly his pride had been dented and he couldn’t find any other reason to belittle her so he calls her “mental” for taking the first job offered to her. What a dickhead!

Another guy told me his ex was mental because when she wised up to him having an affair, she chucked his clothes out the window and changed the locks to their flat. Sorry, how is that mental? She’d be mental not to have gone to get herself checked out for STDs dating a cock sucker like that!! I tell you what, if some fucker ever cheated on me, he’d wake up with his cock cut off in his hand. Make no mistake about that!!!!

Then this other guy who decided he would roll up home at 4am irrespective of his girlfriend’s working schedule (9-5) steaming drunk stinking of no doubt sweat, piss and booze and wonders why on one occasion his girlfriend decided to lock him out. Of course she is mental for wanting to get one night’s sleep during the week when she has work right? Of course. This was the guy who told me he did a shit in the middle of the morning outside the Royal Courts of Justice. He also sent me a photo message of his fucking slippers and he has the fucking audacity to call his ex girlfriend MENTAL?

The list is really quite endless. My advice to you all is that if you come across a douche who begins to jibber jabber on about his ex describing her as mental, then get the fuck out while you still can because 9 times out of 10, he’ll be a waste of the sperm he produces.

Cougarized.

So I was recently dating this guy who literally behaves like an emotional yo-yo despite actually being older than me. Nothing annoys me more than men who talk crap and don’t know what they want. I mean, when you go to a restaurant and you are ordering from the menu, you know how you want your meat cooked or if you want peas or mushrooms or not. You don’t sit there boring the waitress to death whilst you debate in your mind whether you want a few fucking peas on your plate or not! THAT is how simple this thing is in my mind.

Anyway, we were having a drink and he was dribbling on and ON about this and that all relating to how he was feeling about me and I have to admit, he was boring me to tears so I just came out with it:

“Look, what do you want from me right now? Do you want to fuck me every now and then or do you want to take me/this thing seriously and see where it goes? Because really, I don’t need the background, just give me the facts. I won’t mind!”

I thought he would appreciate me cutting in on his ‘I’m trying to explain how I feel and I’m vocalising an essay to this girl’ speech but the guy just seemed stunned and for about 30 seconds just looked blankly at me. I thought he had turned into a wax sculpture or something…

He then said: “There’s just no grey area with you is there?”

This got me thinking….Is there a grey area? Frankly, with me: no. Are we talking about wants and needs here or old school uniforms and clouds? I mean, bloody hell. What is a grey area? Surely when you reach 30+ you either know what you want or not? The grey area just creates unnecessary confusion!

Men are always complaining about girls who want to talk about emotions and their feelings and what they want and don’t want in great detail. Just about every guy I know HATES when his chick drops that shit on him. Well, frankly, I don’t have time for that type of crap anymore. If I wanted to talk about emotions, I’d see a shrink.  Why over complicate what could be a very simple situation or even set up?

 My philosophy is simple: Just get to the point and do as you say or jog on to someone who doesn’t mind you wasting their time.

Relationships would be far easier if people just eliminated this ‘grey area’ and thought with their head and not their heart which, I’d like to add, is just an organ that pumps blood around the body. In no way shape or form does it evoke emotions. Actually it’s a pretty fucking ugly organ too.

Hallmark are obviously deluded.

Cougarized