Years ago I met a guy in a bar. We exchanged social platform contact details and IM addresses. He was hot but clearly just looking to push some pussy that night and nothing more. At the time we exchanged contact details, I made it clear, the last thing he’d be pushing was me which he was fine about. That night he ended up fucking a friend of mine. She never saw or heard from him after.

We never stayed in touch. In fact, I thought he was a massive dick head. Cracking onto me then ending up screwing my friend? But then around 6 months later, during the summer, I had broken up with someone and needed to fulfil some needs. Knowing this guy would be easy and my friendship with the girl he screwed had pretty much fizzled out, I IM-ed him and we began to chat. I was surprised when he started suggesting we saw some art house films and maybe went to some galleries together etc. At the time, I thought he was just trying to sugar coat the potential hook up I was fishing for so I played along with it. After all, months ago my friend had given me details so I knew already what I was buying into….

We arranged a drink in the city. He bought me a beer and we began to chat. Initially, I thought it was polite mandatory chat as he seemed to ask me lots of ‘get to know you’ questions…you know, he was working pretty hard to get in my pants which I found strange because I thought I’d made it clear I didn’t care for airy fairy dating bull shit, I just wanted sex. I was getting bored. I didn’t want to get to know him, I just wanted to fuck him that night. I cut to the chase and suggested we ditch our beers and head to his.

When we got back to his, I thought it’d be a case of up against the wall, pants down, pump etc but he began to do weird shit like show me his oven and where he writes his articles (he was/is a music writer), the magazines he’s written for… I was confused. Was he being innocent? Dumb? Trying to make out this was something it wasn’t? All the signals I was giving him were “I’m not interested in you as a person, I just want your body tonight” but he was coming back at me with excerpts of his life. It got overwhelming when he started showing me photos… At that stage I said to him plain and simple

“Hey, you don’t have to do all this, shall we just go to the bedroom?”

So off we went. We did the business and we went to sleep. I have to admit, I had my mind on other things like how I was going to get to work the next day bearing in mind, I was working well out of town. At around 5am I woke up, looked over at him sleeping and thought “God, I need to get to get the hell out of here”. I grabbed my clothes and shoes, got dressed and tip toed out the door.

Thinking back, I remember laughing all the way to the train station. I found the whole hook up hilarious.

About two weeks later, I signed into my IM chat and he instantly started a conversation with me. It went a bit like this:

“What happened to you? You left not even a good bye? What happened to going to galleries and seeing films together?”

I was BEYOND shocked. Was he for real? As IF I would even consider taking him seriously! So I replied…

“Erm, sorry, I didn’t say good bye because it was 5am when I left and you were asleep and if I am honest with you, I thought it was just sex.”

“But you could have woken me up? I woke up and you were gone. You made me feel like shit, like I did something wrong.”

What!???!!!! Like when he felt bad for NOT contacting my friend after he shagged her? What DOUBLE STANDARDS! At this stage I told him I had work to do and closed down the IM. It was mental. I was literally gob smacked.

This got me thinking, it’s ok for men to shag around having one nighters and then not contacting the girl after YET when a women proceeds to do the same, it’s not on? I’m not being funny, but if he chooses to be such an easy lay then what does he expect? Also, what planet was he on? As IF I would want to have a relationship with someone who is literally THAT easy and on top of that, someone who has shagged my friend? Fair enough, I would have never gone there had my friendship with her lasted BUT at the same time, that’s not cool.

Years later he still contacts me for a hook up….

According to men, women are mental. I beg to differ.

Cougarized

To all who follow me and my blog….I owe you a huge apology. I have totally neglected posting on here and I deserve a slap on the wrist if not my arse - which, I can tell you, I quite like in the right situation….

As you may have read, I began to post about my little neighbour from downstairs….the reason I have been absent from the blog is because I have been hugely present in the bedroom.

Who would have thought biscuits and tea at mid night with your neighbour would turn into full blown karma sutra-esque sex. I gotta admit, this guy has his faults…most noticeable his stinge like nature - that is, the guy has moth balls growing in his pocket which he seriously needs to turn into gold balls. BUT he is extremely giving in the bedroom and I’ll tell you something else, very grateful and THAT’S always good because REMEMBER they (men) are lucky to HAVE US.

To give you a breif run down….it started with biscuits and tea - yes highly juvenile approach to getting a man’s cock out but some can be quite intimidated by me (can’t think why?)…followed by a series of verbal abuse which he frankly, lapped right up. Couldn’t get enough even. His little brother with whom he flat shares even asked him how he puts up with me? Jog on son!! He know’s what side his bread is buttered!!!

Plus, you’ve gotta keep a man on his toes otherwise he’ll start to take the piss….so the biscuits and tea quickly turned to foreplay and penetration.Job done. Good work too…. It really is brilliant when you have sex on tap and only downstairs? Makes for a great set-up… i.e. I go out with my pals, doesn’t matter what time I get home, just give a knock downstairs or even bang the floorboards with my heels and up pops the gimp. Brilliant work!!!

He is a lovely chap, shouldn’t be TOO harsh although there is always room for improvement.

Remember that.

Anyway my little cougarettes and cougarized male followers…be sure, I will be posting far more frequently from now on.

Big Love.

Mama Coug.

X

P.S Questions on this guy are welcome. x

One word: RUN!

Why do people stay in relationships when the sex is unbearably crap? I just don’t get it. I dated a guy for all of three months. On paper he was perfect. Good job, hot, attentive…he would turn up at the train station with roses which he trawled the city to buy on a Sunday when most shops/florists were closed! But in bed he was total utter shite. Honestly, after the second month when the bed room antics weren’t looking up, it got to a stage where I would have rather poked needles in my eye. Actually, if I am honest, I was thinking of doing online grocery shops while he was penetrating me like some rusty motor. That’s no way to be!

You’ve got to look at these things realistically. It’s not good getting all sentimental and umming and butting because on paper and towards you he is perfect in every other area. Looking good on paper is not going to give you head! Girls, that’s just lame.

What do women want? We want a hot fuck as much as men do!!! Yeh, we also want a man who is tame enough to keep his cock in his pants and not gift us with an STD but at the same time, Lord, he needs to give it to us and give it to us good.

Let me tell you how it is…. If you are dating a dude who is under 20 and the sex is so-so, give him a chance. Go easy on him. He hasn’t had the years of porn lessons that most men over 20 have under their belts but any dude over 20 who literally can’t keep it up longer than five minutes and is ‘comfortable’ with a little hair pulling and missionary, bin that fucker before you get attached because the reality is, you can’t teach an old dog tricks. Dogs learn tricks at the stage of PUPPY and not after.

If the sex is shite then you know that he wasn’t trained right and he ain’t never gonna get better. NEVER.

Girls, crap sex….get the hell out of there….don’t even look back!! And certainly don’t shag that fucker out of pity for his crap techniques.

No one gets rewarded for coming LAST!

Cougarized

Imagine this, a guy spends all night stuck to my arse chatting me up at a house party. He goes to take a leak and a girl comes over to me – I don’t know her – she asks me:

“Do you know him?”

“Nope, I just met him tonight. He’s just been chatting to me. Why?”

“Ahhh, oh yeh, he’s alright, my friend shagged him. She said he was a good fuck.”

“Oh really? That’s good to know. Thanks for giving me the heads up. Is she still with him now?”

“Oh no no, it was just a one off thing.”

Then the guy comes back, the girl wanders off and speaks to other people.

At this point we were in the living room so I dragged him out into the hall way by the bottom of the stairs and I had one of the most hilarious and ridiculous conversation I have ever had with an adult male. It started off with me asking him if he knew the random girl we were chatting to and he said he had met her at another party a few weeks ago so I went in for the jugular and come out with it.

“That’s right, she said she knew you, well, rather HER friend knows you. She just came over and said you fucked her friend but apparently, you’re a good shag. What’s the deal with that? Are you a serial party shagger?”

I started laughing at him because to be honest, I didn’t really give a shit. I frankly found the whole situation hilarious but he looked so shocked. He then ushered me to sit down on the bottom of the stairs while he lent over me like some sort of mental begger and came out with this:

“What? I don’t even know that girl. She’s crazy. Listen, you have to believe me, her friend is crazy. I met them both at a toga party. I couldn’t get rid of this girl. She wouldn’t leave me alone. I didn’t know what to do!”

“Oh right so you thought shagging her would be the solution to getting rid of her?”

“Nooooo. It’s not what I thought but she just wouldn’t leave me alone. She was desperate to have sex with me. I couldn’t fight her off. I thought if I had sex with her she would leave me alone.”

People, this was a guy in his mid 30’s, director of a successful city company, trying to convince me he was forced into sex!

What a sack of shit!!!

Cougarized